It’s no surprise that the hit television show, “To Catch a Predator” has drawn criticism from many people in the media over the past few years. Countless journalists within MSNBC, have even labeled it as “a poor attempt at journalism, which feeds off of the sensationalism of reality television and destroys the value of both our legal system and news programming.” Hansen discredited that sentiment with a statement of his own, which he posted on fliers around the office: “stop being such whiney little bitches and get over the fact that they asked me to host it, assfucks.” When asked to clarify further, Hanson explained, “I have no idea who taped those in every stall in all the bathrooms.”
Despite increasing support for the show, MSNBC decided to take a one-year break from the traditional format in both a political and economic decision to gain support from a wider audience. Last year, MSNBC teamed up with Animal Planet to bring audiences what animal rights activists have been demanding for years- justice in the animal kingdom.
“To Catch a Predator” kept its original title, and promised to keep all of its momentum for viewers. Initially, the high-budget show was very successful, catching countless predators such as the Inland Taipan, the most venomous snake on earth, and the Saltwater Crocodile, which grabs its “prey” and rolls powerfully while murdering it.
These animals have been living their unrelinquished lifestyles of rape and murder in the animal kingdom for as long as Kurt Kensworth, research biologist, can remember. Said Kensworth, “this show doesn’t make any sense to me, but I can’t stop watching. It’s probably because it makes me forget that I’m being evicted and I can’t afford groceries.” Kensworth later added, “Can I crash at your place? I can’t pay you. I only did research biology because I liked puppies. Now, I fucking hate all animals.”
However, the momentum did not last. Both television networks were stunned and financially burdened when Chris Hansen was mauled to death during one of the filmings, in which he interrupted the raping of a lioness. The male lion refused to comment, but clearly had no remorse for forcing sexual favors from a 4 year old female, which was evident by his continued attempts to escape police officers despite countless tazorings.
James Dunwood, a chief representative from MSNBC, eased shareholders’ minds with a statement released shortly after everyone pretended to be too busy to go to Hansen’s funeral. “When people hear the name, ‘Chris Hansen,’ they think ‘pedophilia’ and ‘drama,’” assured Dunwood, “even death will not stop us from cashing in on that.”
MSNBC recently signed a contract with MTV, in which Hansen is expected to be reconstructed through digital media archives to host the new MTV2 show, “To Catch a Parish.” The show features Hansen as an undercover alter boy, with an attitude and a gun, on a quest for remittances and justice.
The Pope is expected to receive a portion of the profits, which he will use to host the worlds largest petting zoo, which will be located in the basement of a lone Catholic church in Meadsville, PA. In a direct statement from Pope Benedict XVI, the benefit is expected to “bring countless children to their knees in front of the lord.”
