Free Writing

The purpose of free writing is to get all the shit out of your head so you can actually start writing. I wrote the following list without the intention of anyone finding it, but after reading it, it was clearly some deeply fucked up shit.

Look deeply into this for any sort of meaning, and you will probably find it. Because you find what you are looking for. Which is why English is a fuck-job, and no one should tell anyone how to interpret something. So fuck you, Writing teacher, for giving me an 85% on my last essay.

That essay gave birth to your mother, you asshole. It was more pure than the virgin mary, who clearly fucked someone or something. But that's enough blasphemy for one day. I can already see it now, Jesus waiting at the pearly gates with an essay about why I am going to Hell.

And I'll say the same thing to him that my english teacher just said to me: You didn't use MLA formatting. Who the fuck cares if it's MLA formatting or not? Who even knows what that fucking stands for. Go to hell if you even try to tell me.

Anyway, the point I'm getting at is that the only meaning that came from any of this shit is the last three lines. When I finally pushed all the crap out, the truth came as freely as immigrants across the Mexican border.

And here it is; THE FREE WRITING:

Addiction killed my puppy.

Religion kills babies.

Animals are people too.

Sharks stole my bike.

The Lakers gang raped an ostrich.

Fourteen carrots wiped my ass.

I ran out of newspaper so I read the floor.

Eating is the new sleeping.

The brain was made to scream.

My eye is bulging from the cocaine.

I tried to smile but I swallowed the hook.

Crying burns calories.

Pasta shaped into O’s shanked my mother.

I broke out of prison in time for my party.

I took the city for a walk.

Words are useful when describing stories.

Fried peas drove me to work.

I liked the sample platter.

Hacking is my face.

Why is this so god damned wrong.

Fuck the po lice.

Eat at Bruno’s bakery.

Size is as important as uranium.

Planets are my sex toy.

The man was off of work.

I don’t want to go to school.

Let me sleep in.

Fuck this shit.